Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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