Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
