Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
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Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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