dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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