why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
What happened to fro yo and sex?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
