I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
