yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
