So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
