nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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