like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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