this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
