What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize