I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
