Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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