why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
