i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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