Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I want a musical about memes.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
