A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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