By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
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Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
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OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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