why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
