suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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