So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
