The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
