You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
