You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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