Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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