you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Randomize
