You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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