Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She even gives head with a lisp.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
