just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
