The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
im six kinds of drunk right now
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
