now i know why i became what i already was.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
