my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
