I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
