i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize