dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Holy sore nipples Batman
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I yelled at your uterus for you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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