there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
