There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
They are going to name an STD after you.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
