I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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