Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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