I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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