She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
