check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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