drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
