we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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