He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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