I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
