There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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