If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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