Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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