Are we in a gay sports bar?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
