dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
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They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
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No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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