I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
