I am puke
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
