I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
