dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
