Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
