Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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