You're so nebulous sometimes
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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