I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Boobs speak an international language.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
