I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
