I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize