Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
