All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
